Naruto Chronicles: Kurama's Heart
by King Cairo
Summary: First yaoi story of the Naruto Chronicles. After a brutal attack by the civvies, Kurama shows himself to the twins. He then decides to give them his most precious gift...his heart. Watch as these twins set out to make a name for themselves...and screw every cute guy they can. NO, the boys are NOT man-whores. Rated M for future smut. Remember to review. Gift-fic for JazzyKat.
1. Prologue: Meeting the Fox

Naruto Chronicles: Kurama's Heart

Prologue

Speaking: normal

Thoughts, flashbacks, com-link, and notes: _italicized_

Jutsus, summons, demons: **bold**

Summons's and demon's thoughts, ect…: _**bold italicized**_

(): author speaking

Summary: Naruto and Cairo met the Kyūbi after fleeing into the Forest of Death. What if said demon weren't as evil as everyone thought? What if he gave the boys his ultimate gift?

Warning: This is my first yaoi, so go easy on me. There will be a harem in this, and the twins are the semes of the harem. I'm writing this as a gift for a very special friend. Thank you for everything, Jazzy. Oh and there will be smut.

Also, as the Uchiha massacre will _not_ be happening in this story, Sasuke will be more of a blushing Uke who's not always angry, Itachi will still be in the village, and Orochimaru will still be with the Akatsuki.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. Sadly, that right belongs to Masashi Kishimoto.

Eight years after the Kyūbi attack…

It was a sad day for the Uzumaki twins. Once again, the Kyūbi festival had come around, and the boys were forced to hide in their apartment. Sadly, this was the year that the civilians got bold enough to actually break into their home and drag them outside. As the beating began, people were screaming things like, "Kill the demons," and, "Finish what the Yondaime started." The civilians were so engrossed in their activities; they never even noticed the Anbu preparing to attack them. Naruto looked up to one man and asked, "W-why are you doing this to us?" The man stomped on his chest. "Shut up, you little monster. Demons don't have the right to live." A cold voice from behind him said, "I agree with you. Demons _don't_ deserve to live." Just as the man was turning around to thank whoever agreed with him, a hand encased in lightning plunged through his face. Anbu Inu turned to the twins and said, "Run to the forests. I'll come find you when it's safe. Besides, you don't need to see what's about to happen here."

The twins took off without a moment of hesitation. Before long, they found themselves in Training Ground 44, also known as the Forest of Death. It was one of the few places that the twins could be safe from harm. They knew their way around well enough to hide from the more dangerous plants and animals. After a few more minutes of walking, the boys entered a cave that was currently inhabited by a family of tigers. Without even an inkling of fear, Naruto and Cairo huddled up against the tigers and drifted off to sleep. The mother tiger, feeling the boys' presence, shifted around to give them a little more comfort and, if needed, protection. While sleeping, the boys found themselves in what appeared to be a sewer.

Cairo turned to his brother and said, "Naru-nii, I don't think we're in the forest anymore." Naruto just grabbed his hand and said, "We should at least look around. Maybe we'll find a way out." Cairo fought down a blush and nodded as his brother led him down the tunnels. After a few minutes of walking, the twins found themselves in front of a giant golden cage. On the doors of the cage was a slip of paper that had the kanji for 'seal'. As the boys neared the cage, they were stopped by the sight of a giant pair of red eyes. The eyes zeroed in on them before a deep voice said, "**So, my newest jailers have graced me with their presence.**" Cairo stepped back and said, "W-who exactly are you? Do you have a name?" Suddenly, the room began to light up; allowing the boys to see what exactly bore those eyes. Sitting behind the bars of the cage was a massive fox with nine tails.

The fox looked down at them and said, "**I am the Kyūbi no Kitsune. Does that answer your question, ningen?**" Cairo shook his head. "You gave us a title, but you never gave us your name." The giant fox grinned and said, "**I think I might like you, kit. You're one of the only few people to not wet themselves at the sight of me. How can it be that you children aren't afraid of me?**" Naruto found his voice and said, "For starters, we're not that stupid. After years of being called demons, seeing you makes sense to us. Second, you're a lot nicer than most of the guys who beat us on a regularly basis." Kyūbi growled at that last comment. "**Ningen like those make me sick. Not even the vilest demons will attempt to harm a child. Since children are so rare to have in the demon realm, they are considered to be the most precious and treasured of things to us."**

Cairo snorted. "I think we'd have been better off living in the demon realm. At least we would've been happy there." Naruto looked up and said, "Hey Kyūbi, would you mind telling us why you attacked the village so long ago?" The fox looked down and said, "**First, if you're going to address me, I'd like you to say my true name. From now on, call me Kurama. Second, it was never my intention to attack the village. When you boys were born, a man named Madara Uchiha ripped me out of my previous host and put me in a genjutsu.**" Cairo rubbed his chin and asked, "Who was your previous host?" Kurama bowed his head in sorrow. "**My former host was Kushina Uzumaki. She was your mother. Before I continue, I want you to know that she was happier than ever when you two were born.**"

The boys shed a few tears in happiness. Their mother really did love them. Naruto cleared his face and asked, "Do you know what happened to her?" Kurama shook his head. "**Sadly, I have no clue. All I know is that had it been her choice, she never would've left your side for a moment. That woman loved you two more than life itself.**" Cairo finally dried his eyes and asked, "Do you know who our father was?" Kyūbi snapped his eyes wide open. He looked at Cairo and said, "**Your father was a man who could decimate an army in a single swipe. Everywhere he went; opposing villages feared his name. He is a man whose strength and speed makes most demons cower in fear. Your father was Minato Namikaze, the Yondaime Hokage and the man who put me here.**"

Suddenly, it all seemed to make sense. From what they had read, the Yondaime was a man who was noble is nothing else. They realized that he could never ask another family to sacrifice their child when he had his own. Cairo then walked up to the bars on the cage. Kurama looked at him and said, "Stop it, kit. You can't remove the seal without dying." Naruto stepped up and said, "I don't think that's what he had in mind." Before the giant fox could say anything else, the boys slipped between the bars and entered the cage. They then settled themselves on Kurama's body and drifted to sleep. The fox wrapped his tails around them and said, "**Sleep well, kits. I'll see to it that you both have a better life than this.**"

Real world…

Anko Mitarashi was moving through the forests at breakneck speeds. She heard about what had happened from Kakashi and wanted to personally make sure that the twins were safe. Imagine her surprise when she found them sleeping with a family of tigers. She let out a relieved sigh and left to report to the Hokage. Upon entering his office, she saw that he was staring out the balcony door. She quickly walked over and said, "Hokage-sama, the twins are currently safe at the moment." Hiruzen Sarutobi nodded and said, "Where did you find them?" "Sir, I found them in a cave sleeping with a family of tigers…again," said Anko. The Sandaime sighed and said, "Anko-chan, I'm at the end of my rope. No matter what I do to try and help them, the civilians and the Elders always get in my way. What more can an old man do?"

Anko frowned and said, "Hokage-sama, I ask that you forgive me for what I am about to do." Before Sarutobi could even blink, Anko slammed him into a wall and slapped him as hard as she could. "You are the Hokage of this village; not them and not the elders. It is not their place to make decisions here. They are supposed to advise you, not overturn you decisions as if they were in charge. Now, straighten out those robes, adjust that hat, grow a damn spine, and show those fuckers who runs this show." It seemed that her words got through to him because he pulled her into a great bear hug. "Thank you, Anko-chan. It seems I needed a little reinforcement to get my act straight." Anko nodded and said, "Just don't back down on what you said, Hokage-sama. By the way, I really am sorry for slapping you." Sarutobi just nodded and said, "Apology accepted, Anko-chan." He then snapped his fingers and said, "Anbu, summon the council at once." The four hidden shinobi all bowed before vanishing.

An hour later…

The shinobi council sat impatiently while waiting for the civilians and the elders to arrive. After what seemed like hours, the civilians and the three elders finally arrived to the council room. As soon as they were seated, Sarutobi asked, "Why are you all so late to this meeting? You were supposed to be here an hour ago." A portly civilian said, "Well _excuse us_ for not being as fast as the shinobi council. We can't all be ninjas, Hokage-san." Sarutobi slammed his fists on the table and said, "Let me make something clear to you all. First and foremost, you _will_ address me as Hokage-sama! Second, it is not your jobs to make decisions in this village. This council is only meant to advise the Hokage, not to give orders. Third, the civilian council has absolutely no say in the affairs of the shinobi. That means that you have no reason to be giving orders to _my_ ninjas. I am the Hokage and my word is law. If you don't like it, you can get bent for all I care."

The elders and the civvies were completely stunned by Hiruzen's actions. The shinobi council however was trying to hold in their mirth at the situation. Even the ever stoic Fugaku Uchiha and Hiashi Hyūga were smirking. Shikaku Nara, who had actually been awake, turned to Tsume Inuzuka and said, "This meeting might not be too troublesome, after all." Tsume gave a feral smirk and said, "I can't wait to see what he does next." Hiashi, who heard Tsume's comment, turned to Fugaku and asked, "Do you think Hokage-sama will evict anyone from the meeting?" Fugaku raised a hand over his mouth to hide his forming smirk. "I for one hope he boots the pink harpy over there." They looked across the room to see Saiyuri Haruno giving Fugaku a lustful glare. Both men shivered in disgust.

Sarutobi cleared his throat and said, "I have called you all here to discuss a very important matter. I have reason to believe that someone in this room orchestrated today's little stunt." Dustin Higurashi, the only civilian that Sarutobi actually trusted on the council, gave a puzzled look and asked, "Hokage-sama, what stunt are you speaking of?" Sarutobi gave the council a hard glare and said, "On this, the day of the Kyūbi Festival, a mob saw fit to break into the home of Naruto and Cairo Uzumaki. They then proceeded to drag the boys out of their home and beat them." Inoichi, who had been silently scanning the minds of the council members, found the answer hidden within the mind of Yomi Tatsuba, the large man who had disrespected the Hokage at the beginning of the meeting. The Yamanaka quickly stood up and said, "Yomi Tatsuba, you have a lot to answer for."

The large man stood up and said, "What exactly do I have to answer to you for?" Inoichi smirked and said, "You don't have to answer to me. However, I believe Hokage-sama will want to know why you paid that mob to remove a pair of innocent boys from their home and why you tried to have them killed." Sarutobi growled and asked, "Is this true, Councilman Tatsuba?" Yomi smirked and said, "Of course it's true. I was only trying to finish what the Yondaime started. If anything, I should be hailed as a hero for trying to kill those little dem…" Apparently, Tsume decided that she had heard enough and proceeded to tear the man's throat out. She looked around and asked, "Does anyone else want to try that?" Sarutobi sighed and said, "That's enough, Tsume. Now, I want to inform you all that someone has agreed to adopt the twins."

Without warning, the civvies were in an uproar. Saiyuri shouted, "We refuse to allow those little bastards to be adopted. They should just be killed off while they're still weak." Danzo Shimura slowly stood up and said, "I suggest that you allow me to take the boys under my wind and mold them into the perfect weapons for Konoha." Sarutobi stomped his foot and said, "I have had enough of this foolishness! I am not killing the Uzumaki twins and I absolutely _refuse_ to allow Danzo to have them. Anko Mitarashi has chosen to adopt and raise them and I have already agreed. My decision is final!" With his words lingering in the air, Sarutobi left the room. After a few moments of silence, Shibi Aburame broke the tension by saying, "I hope everyone realizes that we're all screwed."

Shikaku was about to question him, but Hiashi cut in, "What exactly do you mean, Shibi-san?" Tsume chuckled as she said, "Think about it from a mathematical point of view. First, take a pair of twins who are natural pranksters. Multiply that by the history of their biological mother. Now, add in the fact that Anko Mitarashi chose to adopt them. What answer can you pull from this equation?" After a few moments of thinking, Hiashi's eyes widened in shock. Chouza Akimichi, who had been silent for most of the meeting, attempted to lighten the mood by saying, "We should just be thankful that they weren't adopted by Maito Gai." Everyone shivered at the thought of Gai adopting those two.

Forest…

As soon as Anko found the boys again, they were playing with a pair of tiger cubs while the mom was watching from a corner of the cave. Once the woman made herself known, the twins hugged her and said, "You found us, Anko nee-chan." Anko playfully flicked their heads and said, "You guys can't call me your nee-chan anymore." It looked like the boys were going to cry until she said, "From now on, you will address me as your kaa-chan." Slowly, the twins' frowns were replaced by face-splitting grins. Anko picked up her boys and said, "Let's get you boys home. Tomorrow, your training will begin." Cairo grabbed his brother's hand and said, "Things are gonna be different, Naru. I can feel it." Meanwhile, Kurama was thinking, "_**Soon, I shall give those boys a gift that will keep them happy for a very long time.**_"


	2. Ch 1: Citrusy Graduations and a Traitor

Naruto Chronicles: Kurama's Heart

Ch. 1

Speaking: normal

Thoughts, flashbacks, com-link, and notes: _italicized_

Jutsus, summons, demons: **bold**

Summons's and demon's thoughts, and mind link…: _**bold italicized**_

(): author speaking

…: Time change

~: Scene change

Summary: Naruto and Cairo met the Kyūbi after fleeing into the Forest of Death. What if said demon weren't as evil as everyone thought? What if he gave the boys his ultimate gift?

Warning: This chapter will involve boys making out, grinding, and some small masturbation, but nothing too serious.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. Sadly, that right belongs to Masashi Kishimoto.

Five years later…

The last five years of the twins' life had been better than ever. Anko had not only proved that she could be a decent mother, she also rubbed off on her boys. Somewhere down the line, the two of them became more forward with their feelings. One example was when the twins realized that their love for each other went well beyond that of normal brothers. When they told Anko about this, she smiled and informed them that gay couples were actually quite common in the shinobi world. Seeing as how most shinobi don't have much of a life expectancy, no one has time to judge based on sexual preference.

Also, Kurama decided to give them a bloodline called Inari's Heart. Basically, it not only made them faster, stronger, and smarter; it also gave them heightened senses and made them vastly attractive to people within their age group and sexual preference. If Sasuke thought that his fan _girls_ were bad, he should've seen the twins' fan _boys_.

Another thing that changed was the family's wardrobe. Anko had gone from wearing her tan trench coat to a longer black one with a golden viper design that coiled around the arms. She had also changed out her orange miniskirt for a pair of black Anbu style pants. The twins, who quickly picked up on her mannerisms, were decked out in short sleeved mesh shirts and black Anbu style shorts. Naruto wore a sleeveless black haori with a red nine tailed fox on the back. Cairo wore a sleeveless black haori that bore a silver fox on the back. He had also allowed his hair to grow down to his lower waist. Never had anyone seen a more closely dressed family…not counting the Hyūga clan and the Aburame clan. Speaking of clans, the boys were currently in the same class as the clan heirs at the academy. The only thing that made the twins even happier was that it was their final day in the academy.

Speaking of which, Naruto and Cairo were currently waiting for everyone to arrive so that Iruka could begin the roll call. Seeing that this was their final day in the academy, they were pretty excited. Cairo looked around to see who all had shown up. Shikamaru Nara was sleeping next to Chouji Akimichi. Chouji was eating from a bag of chips. Hinata Hyūga, who Cairo could swear had an extreme yaoi fetish, was reading from a familiar orange book. Shino Aburame was conversing with a kikaichu beetle and Kiba Inuzuka was playing with Akamaru. It seemed as though the only ones missing were Sasuke Uchiha, Ino Yamanaka, and Sakura Haruno. He turned to his brother and noticed a devious smirk. "_Oh crap_," he thought. "_That's never a good sign._" Before he could try to voice his thoughts, Naruto silently slipped a hand up Cairo's leg.

As soon as the hand reached his groin, Naruto's smirk got even larger. "_**I see you're going commando today. It's almost as if you wanted me to do this**_," thought Naruto. Cairo growled and said, "_**Move your hand away from my dick before I fuck you right here in front of everyone.**_" Naruto moved his hand over his brother balls and gave them a soft squeeze. "_**Is that a promise, nii-chan, or will I have to beg?**_" Cairo tried to respond, but Naruto started moving his hand over his shaft. Cairo tried his hardest to remain silent, but Naruto just started jerking him even faster. The short haired blonde grinned as he felt his brother cum into his hand. While Cairo attempted to regain his breath, Naruto made sure that his brother watched him slowly lick his hand clean.

Not a moment later, Sasuke walked in and took the empty seat between the twins. He noticed the red tint on Cairo's face and started blushing himself. "Lemme guess, Naruto-kun just finished jerking you off," he whispered. Cairo's red cheeks and Naruto's large grin were enough of an answer. Sasuke turned to Naruto and said, "Naruto-kun, I wish you wouldn't do things like that in public." Naruto just snorted and said, "Sasu-chan, either put that tongue back in your mouth or put it to good use and kiss me." This made Sasuke blush even harder. Suddenly, Cairo's eyes snapped open. He turned to Naruto and said, "They're getting closer." Within the span of three seconds, everyone with common sense managed to find some ear plugs.

Not a moment later, Ino and Sakura both barreled into the class. Sakura pushed Ino and said, "Move it, Ino-pig. I get to sit next to Sasuke-kun." Ino scoffed and said, "Not on your life, billboard-brow. Sasuke-kun would rather sit next to me." Sadly for her, Sakura managed to push her way through the door first. "Ha, I win this round. I get to sit next to Sasuke-kun." As soon as she made it down to Sasuke's row, she frowned when she saw Naruto and Cairo sitting next to him. She stomped over to them and said, "Naruto-baka, you're sitting in my seat. Get up so I can sit next to Sasuke-kun." Cairo snorted into his hand. Sakura rounded on him and said, "Cairo-baka, tell your stupid brother to get out of my seat so I can sit next to Sasuke-kun."

Cairo just smirked and said, "Bite me, you harpy. Sasu-chan doesn't want to be bothered by some annoying fangirl. Besides, we're his actual friends. You only like him because he's an Uchiha. Now, why don't you walk away before you embarrass yourself any further." Sakura was about to respond when Kiba laughed and said, "It looks like Pinky McFlathead just got burned." Naruto smirked and said, "Puppy-chan, what did I tell you about laughing at morons?" Kiba blushed at the nickname. "You said I should make sure they know I'm laughing at them." Naruto reached back and gave Kiba a light kiss on the cheek. Sasuke, even though he'd never admit it, felt slightly jealous from seeing Naruto kiss dog-boy.

A few seconds later, Iruka came in and did roll call. When he finished, Sakura stood up and shouted, "Iruka-sensei, Naruto-baka won't let me sit next to Sasuke-kun. Tell him to get out of my seat." Iruka grinned and said, "Sakura, there are no assigned seats in this class. Therefore, Naruto couldn't have possibly taken your seat. Now, sit down and stop being stupid." Sakura groaned at Iruka's words. However, she turned to Sasuke and said, "Sasuke-kun, wouldn't you rather have me sitting next to you instead of these morons," in what she thought was a seductive voice. All she achieved was making Sasuke turn green and making Kiba try to claw his own ears off. Naruto decided that he had enough and said, "Sakura, Sasu-chan doesn't want you or any other girl in this class. As a matter of fact…"

Everyone watched in surprised as Naruto grabbed Sasuke's head and pulled him into a deep kiss. At first, Sasuke didn't know how to react and kept his mouth shut. Naruto resolved that problem by reaching into his shorts and grabbing his ass. The Uchiha blushed and parted his lips. Naruto smirked and plunged his tongue into Sasuke's willing mouth. The Uchiha moaned at the feeling of his best friend's wet appendage mapping out every corner of his mouth. Not one to be simple about things, Naruto pressed up against Sasuke and started grinding against him. Sasuke gasped and tried to hide his face in Naruto's chest. However, Naruto pulled him into an even deeper kiss and started rocking against him even more.

Cairo, who got bored of simply watching, stood up and pressed his hard-on against Sasuke's ass. He quickly wrapped his arms around the Uchiha's waist and started to dry-hump him. Sasuke thought he would soon pass out when he was brought back to reality by Cairo sucking on his neck. Not caring that the entire class was watching them, the Uzumaki twins continued to grind on Sasuke until his hormones overloaded and he came with a muffled moan. Cairo snaked a hand down Sasuke's shorts and scooped up some of his cum. He made sure that Sasuke was looking as he slowly sucked the boy's release off of each finger. Naruto looked over to Sakura and said, "He belongs to us now, billboard-brow."

Once everyone got over the shock of the kiss, each person had a different reaction. Kiba and Shikamaru both felt an odd twinge of jealousy. Hinata, who had been using her Byakugan, passed out with a nosebleed. Chouji had dropped his chips in surprise. Shino's cheeks took on a very small blush. The other girls however were angry with Naruto for kissing their Sasuke-kun. Luckily for him, Iruka managed to restore order to the class. When everyone calmed down, the chunnin said, "It's time to begin the graduation exams. This test will determine whether or not you become a gennin. When I call your name, you will go to the next room and be tested.

(I'm not gonna write the tests, so we'll just assume that everyone passed.)

After congratulating the students who passed, Iruka informed everyone to return one week later for team selections. As everyone filed out of the room, Naruto turned to Sasuke and blew him a kiss. The Uchiha blushed and ran out of the room. When the twins finally left the academy with their new headbands, they were stopped by Mizuki. Mizuki gave them a fake smile and said, "You boys did well today. However, I'm about to tell you something that only a few students ever get to hear about." Cairo perked an eyebrow and said, "What is it, Mizuki-sensei?" The silver haired man smirked and said, "There's a secret test that allows you to bump directly to Chunnin status." Naruto grinned and said, "That's so cool. You _have_ to tell us about the test."

Mizuki smirked. It seemed that his plan was working. He quickly said, "Inside the Hokage's office is a scroll marked "forbidden". You must take the scroll and learn at least one jutsu from it before midnight. If you can learn a jutsu, you'll be promoted on the spot. However, should you be caught during your mission, you automatically fail." He then handed them a slip of paper. "This is the location of the examination. Make sure you get there and do not mention this to anyone. No one can know about this."

As soon as Mizuki was gone, a voice said, "It looks like you boys have caught the traitor in the act. Now you must apprehend him. If things get tricky, I will have the Anbu standing by to assist you." Without even looking back, the twins both said, "It will be done, Hokage-sama." Cairo grinned and said, "I bet he pisses himself when we catch him." Naruto smirked and said, "You're on, Cairo nii-chan. What's the wager?" Cairo stopped to think for a moment. Seconds later, he grinned and said, "If I win, you have to ride me silly for a week _and_ you wear the maid outfit I got you." Naruto giggled and said, "If I win, you have to wear that skimpy nurse outfit for a week and tend to my every sexual need." The twins both giggled as they thought of dirty things to do to each other.

Later that night…

Naruto and Cairo were currently sitting in an open field by an old shack. From the looks of the area, the boys had done some serious training. With only seconds to spare until midnight, Mizuki appeared. He smirked at the boys and said, "I see that you've been training. Now, hand over the scroll and you both pass." Cairo smirked and said, "Get bent, Mizuki-teme. We already know about your plans to take the scroll for yourself. By order of the Sandaime Hokage, you are hereby under arrest." Mizuki sneered and said, "You two are fools if you think you can take me on. But, seeing as how I like your bravery, I'll let you in on a little secret. Thirteen years ago, the Yondaime didn't kill the Kyūbi no Kitsune. He split it apart and sealed the two halves into a pair of twins. You boys are the Kyūbi."

The twins looked at each other before laughing. Naruto gasped and said, "Oh my goodness. This moron thinks we're Kurama." Cairo caught his breath before commenting, "That's the funniest thing I've heard all night." Mizuki whipped out a large shuriken and said, "How dare you demons laugh at me? The village will praise my name once I kill you both. Now…die!" The boys just had a blank look as the shuriken got closer and closer. At the very last moment, the twins both vanished in a puff of smoke. A voice from behind Mizuki called out, "Now we intend to take your attack and throw it back two thousand-fold." The traitor looked around to see multiple copies of the twins coming from out of the trees. He only had enough time to scream when the beating started.

After at least a good hour of a beating, Mizuki finally passed out. Naruto tied him up with some ninja wire and said, "Let's get out of here. The Anbu can take this moron to Hokage-jiji." Cairo nodded and said, "Good call, bro. I'm ready to hit the sheets." However, before the two could leave, they heard an Anbu say, "I can't believe this guy peed on himself. That's just embarrassing." Another Anbu snorted and said, "I'd hate to be this guy right now."

Cairo smirked and said, "By the way, don't wear any underwear when you put on the maid outfit. I want something nice to look at when you're bending over to clean or pick up something." Naruto groaned at his imminent doom. "You're not gonna make this easy, are you?" Cairo chuckled and said, "Not in the least. The best part about it is that we have the week off before team selections come around. You're mine to play with for a whole week." Naruto wanted to complain, but the sudden feeling of his brother's hands squeezing his ass made him think, "_Maybe this won't be so bad._"

~Meanwhile~

Kurama had been watching everything the twins were doing. Unbeknownst to them, he could see into their hearts as well as their minds. What he saw had to be the most erotically devious plan that they had ever formulated…and he wanted to play a major part in it. He then channeled his yōkai and began shrinking while being wrapped in an impenetrable red light. When the shrinking stopped, a human hand reached out and summoned a hooded cloak from nowhere. Kurama donned the cloak and pulled the hood over his head. He then conjured a mirror and said in a lighter voice, "**I can't wait for my humans to see the real me. After all, I rarely ever let anyone see me in my human form.**" In the reflection of the mirror, the only thing that could be seen was a pair of brilliantly red eyes that were swirling with lust and passion.

~Chapter end~

Cairo: Well everybody, I hope you enjoyed this chapter.

Naruto: You don't honestly expect me to wear that maid's outfit, do you?

Cairo: Of course I do. You should've known I'd get you back for what you did to me in class. Now, either you wear the maid costume or you can walk around nude.

Naruto: You are the epitome of devious, Cairo.

Cairo: We'll see you all next time, people. In the next chapter, we meet our sensei, Kurama talks to us about something important, and the two of us get a little more touchy-feely with Sasu-chan.

{Sasuke walks in}: Don't I get a say in this?

Naruto: Nope. {Throws Sasuke over his shoulder and walks into room}

Cairo: See you later, folks. {Walks into room and locks door}


	3. Ch 2: New Teams and New Boyfriends

Naruto Chronicles: Kurama's Heart

Ch. 2

Speaking: normal

Thoughts, flashbacks, com-link, and notes: _italicized_

Jutsus, summons, demons: **bold**

Summons's and demon's thoughts, and mind link…: _**bold italicized**_

(): author speaking

…: Time change

~: Scene change

Summary: Naruto and Cairo met the Kyūbi after fleeing into the Forest of Death. What if said demon weren't as evil as everyone thought? What if he gave the boys his ultimate gift?

Warning: This chapter will involve a few limes. I'm not writing the full lemons until after the Wave Arc.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. Sadly, that right belongs to Masashi Kishimoto.

One week later…

The twins decided to wake up bright and early so that they could get to the academy on time. They both clambered out of bed and put on a matching pair of robes to cover their nudity. When they walked into the kitchen, there was a note on the table.

_Boys, I was called away on a mission and will be gone for a few months. You two have the tower to yourselves. If you're gonna try to throw any parties, like I know you will, I recommend the second floor. Also, if I find out that you little runts had sex in my room again, you'll be begging for a session with Ibiki when I'm done with you. Be good, have fun, and kick some ass for me while I'm gone._

Cairo smirked and said, "That was unexpected. I guess the tower is ours for a while." Naruto nodded and said, "I hope she realizes that we're eventually gonna have sex in her room before she gets back." Cairo slapped his ass and said, "You're crazy if you think I'm about to try that. I don't wanna have to run to _Ibiki_ of all people for comfort." Naruto shuddered and said, "I'll give you that one. By the way, how much time do we have before we need to get to the academy?" The older (by three minutes) blonde looked at a clock. He then walked behind Naruto and wrapped his arms around his brother's chest. "We have two hours before we have to leave the tower. That gives us more than enough time to have some fun. Jump up on the table for me."

Lime alert…

As soon as Naruto was seated on the table, Cairo closed the distance between them and pressed their lips together. Naruto moaned as he felt his brother's tongue prod at his lips, but he made sure to keep them shut. "_**Don't think I'm letting you in so easily, Cairo. This is payback for not letting me wear any underwear while I was in that maid costume.**_" Cairo smirked. If Naruto wanted to play hardball, he could play even harder. "_**I hope you realize that you're fighting a losing battle, Naru-chan. You want this just as much as I do.**_" Naruto however refused to give in so quickly. Cairo admired his brother's spirit, but he was determined to win this. He looked Naruto in the eye as he thought, "_**I hope you realize that you brought this upon yourself.**_"

Before Naruto could register what Cairo was planning, Cairo pulled open Naruto's robe and squeezed his growing erection, causing Naruto to gasp. Cairo took the opportunity and plunged his tongue into his brother's mouth. Naruto growled and pushed his used his tongue to try and push Cairo's tongue back into his mouth. Just because his brother got him to open his mouth, he still had no intentions of giving up. As the two blondes allowed their tongues to clash against each other, Naruto lock his legs around Cairo's waist and pulled him in even closer. He then nimbly undid the tie that held his brother's robe closed and pulled it open. Both twins broke off the kiss long enough to remove let their robes fall to the floor. Now with nothing to restrict any access to each other, the twins embraced each other in another deep kiss.

This time, instead of trying to gain entry into his brother's mouth, Cairo licked at Naruto's lips as an invitation for his tongue to come out. Naruto gladly accepted this request and allowed his brother back into his mouth. Cairo mapped out the entirety of his brother's mouth before pulling away. Naruto smiled as he saw the string of saliva that still connected their mouths. Cairo smirked and started kissing a wet trail down Naruto's jawline before stopping at a mark on his brother's neck. He slowly licked around the hickey before sucking on it. Naruto moaned loudly as Cairo toyed with such a sensitive area. After a few minutes of making the mark even more sensitive, Cairo crouched down and took one of Naruto's nipples into his mouth.

Naruto smirked and said, "You just can't get enough of my nipples, can you?" Cairo looked up and asked, "Do you want me to stop?" Naruto gave him a dark look. "You stop and I'll deny you sex for a whole year." Cairo feigned a frightened look and said, "Don't be so inhumane, Naru-chan. How can you deny me something I live for?" Naruto smirked at his brother's playfulness. "I'll be glad to show you unless you finish what you started." Cairo just giggled. "I knew it. You're as desperate for this as I am. You are such a perv, Naru-chan" Naruto tried to argue, but Cairo reattached his mouth to his brother's nipple. The younger blonde moaned as his brother suckled away on his nubs.

Cairo smiled as he licked his way down his brother's body. Once he made his way to Naruto's eight inch erection, he gave it a slow lick before completely taking it down to the hilt. Naruto gasped as Cairo rubbed his nose in his pubes. Cairo smirked around his brother's erection before pulling back until his tongue rested on the head. Without any warning, Cairo went all the way back down and started bobbing his head. Naruto grunted and said, "You've been practicing without me again." Cairo pulled up and shook his head. "That's not exactly true. I've been deep-throating you in your sleep almost every night. You make the cutest faces."

Naruto just smiled and said, "I don't know whether I should let that slide or just start fucking you when you're asleep." Cairo shook his head in amusement as he went back down on his brother's dick. Naruto moaned and said, "That tongue of yours should be outlawed." Cairo just pushed Naruto's legs open wider and pulled off of his cock once again. He then rubbed a finger around Naruto's hole and said, "I've been a bad onii-chan. I've been giving your dick so much attention, but I've been ignoring your sweet little hole." Naruto grinned as he tried to catch his breath. "My hole really misses that mouth of yours. I don't think he can take it anymore." Cairo gave his brother's rosebud a small kiss before saying, "Don't worry, I'll set it all right."

The elder twin kissed the puckered hole a few more times before licking at it. Naruto moaned loudly and pushed his brother's head closer. Cairo licked the hole in a circular motion before slowly inserting his tongue into the tight ring of muscles. Naruto slowly relaxed himself so that Cairo's tongue could get all the way in. With a fierce determination, Cairo pushed past the ring of muscles and wormed his tongue into Naruto's hole. Naruto, while caught in ecstasy, looked at the clock and gasped. He then roughly pushed Cairo away from him and said, "We've only got thirty minutes left." Cairo let out a very colorful swear and said, "Let's get out of here. Oh, and don't think that I'm done with you."

~Academy: thirty minutes later~

Naruto and Cairo got to the academy with a good minute to spare. When they looked around the room, they noticed their little Sasu-chan being harassed by Ino and Sakura. Cairo simply said, "They have a lot of nerve to touch what doesn't belong to them. Wouldn't you agree, brother?" Naruto sneered at the sight. "Cairo, let's show these rejects what happens when you touch an Uzumaki's property." Having made up their minds, the twins walked down the rows and stood in front of Ino and Sakura. Sakura looked up and said, "Can't you bakas see that I'm trying to talk to Sasuke-kun. Go sit with the other class rejects." Naruto just turned to Iruka and said, "Iruka-sensei, Sakura and Ino are in our seats and refuse to get up." Iruka nodded and said, "Sakura, you and Ino need to get up and sit somewhere else."

Ino frowned and asked, "Why do they get to sit here and we don't?" Sakura nodded and said, "Didn't you also say that there were no assigned seats in this class?" The scarred chunnin nodded again before saying, "I said that I never assigned any seats. What I never said was that the twins made that their permanent spot at the beginning of the year." Ino turned around to see a pair of golden nameplates on the seats. She frowned and said, "I guess we don't have a choice. We've got to move, Sakura." The pinkette however stubbornly refused to get up. "You can move if you want, Ino-buta. That just gives me more time with Sasuke-kun." Ino just shrugged and said, "It's your funeral," before getting the hell out of dodge.

Naruto silently grabbed the pink-haired girl by the hair and tossed her on Iruka's desk, causing all of his things to fall on the floor. The teacher frowned and said, "Sakura, I expect you to clean this mess up later. Now go sit down so I can call out the teams." As Sakura huffed her way past the twins, they smirked and sat on either side of Sasuke. Cairo started kissing his neck and said, "I hope they didn't give you too much of a hard time, Sasu-chan." Sasuke blushed and said, "Ro-kun, I've dealt with them for four years. I'm used to it by now." Naruto silently rubbed Sasuke's inner thigh and said, "We know that. However, neither of us likes the idea of someone touching what's ours. That list just so happens to include you."

As Sasuke blushed even harder, Kiba let out a sad groan behind them. Naruto turned around and asked, "What's wrong, Puppy-chan?" Kiba just turned his gaze away from Naruto. He didn't want to admit that he was jealous of Sasuke. Sadly for him, Naruto had managed to piece it all together. The blonde jumped up to Kiba's row and asked, "Are you upset because we haven't been paying attention to you lately?" The Inuzuka lowered his head and nodded. Naruto lifted the boy's head and looked him in the eyes. He gave the brunette a kiss on the forehead and said, "I'm sorry about that, Puppy-chan. Cairo and I should've realized how you were feeling. Why don't you come down to our row and sit with us?" Kiba looked down and said, "I won't have anywhere to sit."

Naruto picked Kiba up bridal style and said, "You'll just have to sit in my lap, Puppy-chan." Before Kiba could register the situation in his head, Naruto dropped back into his seat and placed the Inuzuka firmly in his lap. Kiba blushed as he felt something poking at his thigh. Cairo smirked and said, "I've got a feeling that someone almost as lazy as the Nara clan is coming in this direction." Naruto giggled as he realized the hidden meaning in his brother's words. It seemed as though Kakashi would be taking a team this year.

Meanwhile, Iruka had finally found his list among the mess that Sakura made on his desk. After reading through six teams that nobody cared about, he finally said, "Team seven will be Sasuke Uchiha, Sakura Haruno, Naruto Uzumaki, and Cairo Uzumaki. Your sensei will be Kakashi Hatake. Team eight will be Hinata Hyūga, Kiba Inuzuka, and Shino Aburame under Kurenai Yūhi. Team nine is still in circulation. Finally, Team ten will be Ino Yamanaka, Shikamaru Nara, and Chouji Akimichi under Asuma Sarutobi." While everyone was conversing about the nature of their teams, an Anbu entered the room and handed Iruka a note. He looked over the note and said, "I have an important announcement to make. Sakura Haruno and Kiba Inuzuka have been swapped out on the Hokage's orders. Also, Team 7 will have an extra sensei."

Sakura stood up and said, "You can't take me off the team! How else can I be with Sasuke-kun?" Sasuke however was currently thanking every holy entity that he could think of for getting the pink-haired girl away from him. Naruto smirked and said, "_**We get to have fun with Sasu-chan **_**and**_** Puppy-chan every day."**_ Cairo nodded and said, "_**This just keeps getting better and better by the second. By the way, did you hear about the Kazekage's son?**_" Naruto stopped to think about what his brother had said. "_**Do you mean the cute redhead or the one who plays with his sister's makeup?**_" Cairo snickered and replied, "_**I'm talking about that cute redhead. I heard that someone tried to kill him and he went crazy.**_" Naruto shook his head in sympathy. "_**That's just a part of being one of us. Maybe we can help him someday.**_"

Suddenly, the sound of an opening door ripped them from their musings. A woman in a white dress with red eyes, black hair, and a red shirt walked into the room. She cleared her throat and said, "Team 8, please follow me." Sakura reluctantly got up and left the room with her teammates. Hinata quickly looked back and said, "Don't worry about her. I'll keep the little harpy in line." Before long, a man with a goatee walked in and said, "Team 10, saddle up and let's move out." Shikamaru looked back at the twins before scurrying from the room. Ino looked at Sasuke and mouthed out "I'm sorry" before following after her team.

Two hours later…

Team 7 and Iruka were currently the only ones left in the room. Iruka looked at the clock and said, "I should've warned you boys that Kakashi would be late." Naruto waved him off and said, "Don't worry about it, Iruka-sensei. We came prepared for a situation like this." Cairo pulled out a small scroll from under his chair and unraveled it. With a small burst of chakra, a plate of sweet dumplings and strawberry sauce appeared in a puff of smoke. The twins watched as Kiba and Sasuke ate with glee. Naruto quickly grabbed Kiba's chin and said, "Puppy-chan, you have a little sauce on your cheek. Let me take care of that for you." Before Kiba could question him, Naruto slowly licked the strawberry sauce from his cheek. He licked Kiba's cheek several more times before finally deciding that it was clean.

Kiba hid his face in Naruto's chest as he fought down his rapidly forming blush. Naruto turned to his brother and saw Cairo feeding a dumpling to Sasuke. As soon as the Uchiha had the whole thing in his mouth, Cairo crashed their lips together. Unlike the time Naruto kissed him by surprise, Sasuke willingly parted his lips for Cairo's tongue. The Uzumaki smirked as he used his wet appendage to steal the dumpling from Sasuke's mouth. He then pulled back and said, "That was the best dumpling I've ever had." Naruto just chuckled and said, "Remind me to take a picture next time because that was just too hot. I think my hard-on is currently poking at Puppy-chan's back door." As if to confirm his statement, Kiba hid his face even deeper into Naruto's chest."

Suddenly, the door opened to reveal a grey-haired man with a mask covering his lower face. The man looked at the group and said, "My first impression of you all is…I actually might not hate you." Sasuke pouted and asked, "Why would you hate us when you've only met us?" The man shrugged and replied, "I was kind of expecting to walk in and see a pink howler monkey whose voice could ruin anyone's mood." Naruto simply said, "She was put on Team 8 while our team gets Puppy-chan." Kakashi nodded and said, "I guess that makes sense. We'll be meeting on the roof, so stop making out in here and get moving." As soon as the man left the room, Naruto pulled Kiba even closer and vanished in a swirl of wind. Cairo wrapped his arms around Sasuke and vanished in a flurry of leaves.

Rooftop…

Kakashi and a figure in a cloak were playing chess when they felt four chakra signatures. The two turned around to see the four gennin standing behind them. Kakashi stood up and said, "Now that everyone's here, we can do our introductions. I think I'll start. My name is Kakashi Hatake, but you guys can call me Kakashi-sensei. I like some things and I don't like some things. My hobbies are…I have a lot of hobbies. My dream…you all don't need to know that." Sasuke and Kiba were both thinking, "_All we learned was his name._" The twins were currently thinking, "_Kakashi-sensei is so predictable._" The person in the cloak suddenly decided to reveal their face.

The figure slowly pulled down their hood to reveal…Itachi Uchiha. Sasuke pointed at his brother and asked, "W-what are you doing here, nii-san?" Itachi just ruffled his hair. "I'm the assistant sensei for Team 7." Sasuke huffed and said, "You're gonna use this to tease and blackmail me, aren't you?" Itachi smiled and said, "Oh, you had better believe it. Until you make chunnin, I'm declaring open season on your ass." Naruto quickly pulled the younger Uchiha close to him and said, "The only people getting near _this_ ass is gonna be me or Cairo."

Itachi perked up an eyebrow and said, "Oh, I'm _never_ gonna let you live this down, otouto. Anyways, my name is Itachi Uchiha. I like my friends, family, and pocky. I dislike traitors, bigots, and those who disrespect the wonders of pocky. My hobbies are training, teasing my little brother, and eating various flavors of pocky. My goal is to see you all become great shinobi and to collect every flavor of pocky in existence." Cairo smirked and said, "Itachi-sensei, you've been eating strawberry flavored pocky again." The elder Uchiha nodded and asked, "How can you tell?" Naruto grinned and held up his hand. In his grip was a small box of pocky. Itachi frantically searched his person only to discover that his secret stash had been hijacked. He just took the box back and said, "Let's just move on before I smack you. Naruto, introduce yourself."

The blonde smirked before saying, "My name is Naruto Uzumaki. My full name is actually Naruto Uzumaki-Mitarashi Namikaze. I like my brother, my friends, Puppy-chan, Kurama, and Sasu-chan. I dislike people who can't tell the difference between a scroll and the contents that lie within. My hobbies are training, cooking, gardening, playing with the tigers in Training Ground #44, meditating, and having sex. I'm not some cheap whore, I just love the feeling you get from sex. My dream is to become Hokage and to…I'll tell you that later."

Kakashi nodded and pointed to Sasuke. "My name is Sasuke Uchiha. I like a few things and I hate fangirls who won't leave me alone. My hobbies are training, reading, and spending time with my few real friends. My goals are to become a strong clan head, get Itachi-nii to stop teasing me, and to…" At this point, Sasuke looked at the twins and blushed. Itachi stored that moment away from later and pointed to Kiba. "I'm Kiba Inuzuka, and this is Akamaru." Akamaru gave a confirming bark. Kiba grinned and said, "I like my family, friends, and Akamaru. I dislike people who hurt my friends and those who harm animals…even cats. My goals are to become a good clan head and to…" Kiba, much like Sasuke, took a look at the twins and blushed.

Kakashi nodded and said, "Cairo, finish us off." The elder blonde nodded and said, "I'm Cairo Uzumaki. My full name is Cairo Uzumaki-Mitarashi Namikaze. I like my friends, Naru-chan, Puppy-chan, and Sasu-chan. I dislike the bigoted populace of Konoha and people who attempt to touch what doesn't belong to them. My hobbies involve everything Naruto said. Just to be clear, I'm not some cheap whore either. It's just that the feeling you get from sex is _amazing_. My goal is to become leader of the Anbu and to…I won't divulge that right now." Itachi cupped his hands together and thought, "I'm going to be instructing my little brother, an Inuzuka, and two horny blondes with a secret. Why do I get the feeling that Sasu-nii and Kiba-san have something to do with whatever those twins are planning?"

Kakashi just nodded and said, "Now that introductions are out of the way, we'll be administering your survival test tomorrow. Meet us at Training Ground # 7 at seven am. Oh, and I suggest you don't eat breakfast." Cairo turned to Itachi and said, "Tell your parents that Sasu-chan is staying with us tonight. Also, you might want to tell Tsume-sama that Puppy-chan is staying over, too." Itachi didn't even have time to comment as the four boys vanished. He just sighed before jumping vanishing via **shunshin**.

Tower…

Kiba and Sasuke were shocked to find themselves in a large forest. Naruto nudged them forward and said, "We're close to the tower. It's just up ahead." The two clan heirs just looked at each other before walking. Cairo smirked as he thought, "_**I wonder who else would be a good candidate for our little plan.**_" Naruto giggled at his brother's thoughts. "_**I think that the Nara and the Aburame would be a good addition. Also, we might be able to snag that cutie from Suna if we can help him with his problem.**_" As soon as they reached the tower, Cairo smirked and said, "Let's get you two inside the tower. We have a lot to talk about." When they made it in, Naruto sealed the doors and said, "We're gonna be completely honest and lay it all on the table. The two of us are lonely. Sure we have each other, but sometimes it's just not enough." Cairo wrapped his fingers around Naruto's hand. "We really like you guys and we want you to go out with us."

Kiba held up his hands in a pausing motion. "Let's say that we agree for a moment. Who gets which blonde as a boyfriend?" Naruto smirked and said, "You misunderstand us, Puppy-chan. The deal is that you either date us both…" "…or you don't date either of us," Cairo finished. Kiba stopped to think about the pros and cons. If he said yes, he would get two incredibly hot boyfriends. He could date both of them without the risk of cheating. There was also the fact that his mother knew he was gay and approved of both his sexual preference and his taste in guys. He also added in the fact that both twins enjoyed having sex. That was a major bonus in his books.

Now he had to look at the cons of the situation. On the downside…who was he kidding? There were no downsides. He quickly stepped forward and held out a hand. The twins both grabbed it before taking turns at giving it a kiss. They then turned to Sasuke who was still thinking. Of course, given the intense blush on his face, it was clear that Sasuke was having some very lewd thoughts.

Sasuke's fantasy…

_Sasuke was currently naked on the kitchen table with a pleasured expression on his face. The twins were currently sucking on his nipples while Kiba's mouth was bobbing up and down on his length. Sasuke moaned as he felt Naruto softly bite down on one of his nubs. Cairo pulled off of him and said, "Join us and you'll be able to experience even more than just this." Naruto started licking his way to Sasuke's neck. He kissed the Uchiha's jaw before asking, "What's wrong, Sasu-chan? Don't you like us?" Kiba gave his dick a teasingly slow lick and said, "C'mon Sasuke, you won't get another chance like this again." Sasuke tried to respond but Naruto captured the boy's lips with his own. While Sasuke was distracted, Naruto lined himself up with Sasuke's hole before…_

Fantasy end…

Sasuke blinked as he came back to reality. Once his mind finally cleared, he saw the others staring at him. Cairo giggled and said, "You were drooling, Sasu-chan." Naruto wiped a finger through the Uchiha's drool and popped it into his mouth. The sight alone was enough for Sasuke to make up his mind. "I want to join you." Cairo smiled as Sasuke offered his hand. Once again, the twins took turns in kissing the offered limb. Naruto clapped his hands and said, "I'll show you guys to where we're sleeping. Cairo's gonna get us some snacks."

As Naruto led the others away, Cairo thought out, "_**I honestly thought Sasu-chan would crack first.**_" Naruto smirked as he held back a laugh. "_**I don't blame you. From what Itachi told us, he's a closet pervert with a power fetish.**_" Cairo stopped as he reached the kitchen. "_**You mean to tell me that Sasu-chan gets horny from power?**_" Naruto strengthened the connection so that Cairo could visualize him standing with him. "_**Itachi told me that Sasu-chan once saw us training last year. Apparently, he felt the power from our chakra and rushed home to get off while the feeling lasted.**_" Cairo just smirked and said, "_**That should prove to be really useful info later. If Kurama were awake right now, I'd ask him for his opinion.**_"

Naruto nodded and slipped into the seal. He looked at the giant sleeping fox before saying, "Get a good rest, Kurama. We have a lot to tell you when you wake up." As soon as Naruto vanished, the fox opened his eyes and changed back into his cloaked human form. His red eyes pierced the darkness as he said, "**I hate hiding from my masters, but I have to finish my plans before I can truly face them.**" He then summoned the wall mirror to look at himself again. Even though his face was still obscured by the hood, the glow from his eyes allowed you to see a strand of red hair trailing down the side of his face.


	4. Ch 3: Journey to the Waves

Naruto Chronicles: Kurama's Heart

Ch. 3

Speaking: normal

Thoughts, flashbacks, com-link, and notes: _italicized_

Jutsus, summons, demons: **bold**

Summons's and demon's thoughts, and mind link…: _**bold italicized**_

(): author speaking

…: Time change

~: Scene change

Summary: Naruto and Cairo met the Kyūbi after fleeing into the Forest of Death. What if said demon weren't as evil as everyone thought? What if he gave the boys his ultimate gift?

Warning: Aside from some lewd jokes, there are no warnings for this chapter.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. Sadly, that right belongs to Masashi Kishimoto.

It had been a month since Team 7 had become official. Naruto still hated that damned bell test and his biological father for coming up with it. They had passed the test with flying colors, but Kakashi tied him and Kiba to the posts just for giggles while Sasuke and Cairo were allowed to eat. As soon as Kakashi and Itachi were gone, the two prisoners of a cruel joke were cut down and allowed to eat. Kakashi and Itachi then came back and praised them for putting their comrades' needs above the mission. After that day, Team 7 became official and started taking missions.

During that time, the team had completed a total of 113 D-Ranked missions. Because of this, Itachi felt that the team was ready for their first C-Ranked mission. Speaking of missions, Team 7 was currently in the Hokage's office to receive their next assignment. Sarutobi had held out a D-Ranked scroll when Itachi said, "Hokage-sama, I feel that the team is ready for a C-Ranked mission." Hiruzen shuffled through mission assignments before pulling out a scroll. "I believe that a simple escort mission should be enough for your team to handle. Tazuna-san, this team will be escorting you home."

Tazuna looked at the team and groaned. "I asked for decent ninjas and all I get is a brat with a dog, a pair of blondes who probably live up to the stereotype, a kid with a chicken-ass haircut, a scarecrow, and something from the cover of 'Apathetic Weekly'. Kakashi gave an eye smile and said, "You don't need to worry about anything. Everyone on this team is more that capable of protecting you. Also, you shouldn't insult the people who have to protect you. It could prove to be…_hazardous_ to your health." Before Tazuna could register Kakashi's warning, four kunai were being slowly moved away from his neck. The old man gulped and said, "I-I apologize for my insults. I guess I shouldn't judge a book by its cover." Kakashi nodded and said, "Get some rest, team. We're leaving bright and early tomorrow at eight." He then turned around to see that the entire team, including Itachi, were nowhere in sight.

Later-Uchiha compound…

Sasuke and his parents were enjoying a quiet dinner when Itachi came into the house. Mikoto stifled a laugh when she noticed how disheveled her eldest son looked. Sasuke smirked and said, "I guess you just can't avoid those fangirls, Itachi." Itachi just sat down at the table and grabbed a small bowl of rice. "At least I've never whacked off to the sight of my best friends half naked during a training session." Sasuke blushed and shouted, "Sh-shut up about that. You said that you wouldn't tell anyone." Itachi poked his forehead and fixed another bowl of rice. "I didn't tell anyone. I simply said it out loud and our parents just so happened to be within earshot."

Fugaku sighed and grabbed another bowl of rice. "Itachi, Stop teasing your brother about masturbating to his friends' half naked bodies. He can't help it if he finds the people he associates with to be attractive. Now shut your mouth, get up, walk out of this house, and come back in when you look less stupid. Sasuke; if you get pregnant, I want you to name one of your children after me. It doesn't have to be their first name, but it would make my day." Sasuke turned so red that Mikoto thought she was looking at a ghost from her past. She then giggled and said, "Ignore your father, Sasu-chan. As long as you're happy, we'll be happy." Fugaku grunted and said, "I still think he should date one of Minato's children. At least we'd be sure to get a grandkid or two. That and I wouldn't have to worry about him getting emotionally damaged." Itachi just walked back in looking the same and said, "If you ask me, he probably wants to date both of them." He was then forced to dodge a towel that was aimed for his head. "Didn't I tell you to go make yourself look less stupid," Fugaku asked.

Itachi just took his hair band out and flipped his hair. Once it all moved back into order, he redid his ponytail and said, "Now that that's taken care of, I'm going to go do something that doesn't involve this house." Sasuke rolled his eyes. "He's going to go meet his pocky supplier and buy enough to last him another month." Itachi ruffled his hair in retaliation and said, "Otou-sama, correct me if I'm wrong but I do believe that Sasuke's hair looks inappropriate."

Fugaku didn't even look up from his plate as he aimed an empty bowl at Itachi's head before saying, "Itachi, getting your not-so-secret pocky run exposed is not a valid reason to be an asshole. Sasuke, stop teasing your brother about his pocky craze and go fix your hair. I don't even need to look up to know you look like a dumbass right now." Mikoto just slipped behind her husband and played in his hair until it looked messy. Fugaku sighed as he followed Sasuke out of the kitchen. The Uchiha matriarch giggled to herself as she cleaned up the broken bowl.

Meanwhile at Kiba's house…

Kiba was currently sitting at the dinner table with his mom and sister. Akamaru was eating at the foot of the table with Tsume's partner Kuromaru and Hana's partners, the Haimaru Sankyodai. The dinner had been mostly quiet until Kuromaru said, "Tsume, Akamaru wants me to tell you that Kiba's dating Anko's kids." Kiba started choking as Tsume let out a barking laugh. "It's about damn time you got your ass into gear. For a moment I was scared that I'd have to spray you with pheromones, dress you in dog ears and a tail, and drop you off on their doorstep with a sign that said 'free puppy'. Hana dropped her fork and said, "Okaa-san, I can't believe you were gonna do something like that…and not tell me about it."

Kiba finally stopped choking and cleared his throat. He waited for his mom and sister to stop acting like hyenas before asking, "Aren't you the least bit upset about the fact that I'm dating a pair of twins…_at the same damn time?_" Tsume shook her head and giggles. "Kiba, I can't be mad with you because I know for a fact that they never date alone. It's impossible to date one of them without dating the other one. Besides, now you can actually get laid and stop whackin' off in your room every night. Do you know how messed up it is listening to your kid moaning a guy's name while jackin' himself off! It gives me nightmares." Kiba jumped up from his seat and said, "It your own damn fault for listening! You can't blame me for that." Hana picked up her fork and calmly said, "Your room's not exactly soundproof, Kiba." Kiba just growled and looked down at Akamaru. "You're sleeping in the hall tonight, you little stool pigeon."

Next morning…

As the team gathered at the gates for their mission to begin, Cairo noticed that something was out of place. After watching him frantically look around for only he knew what, Kakashi grabbed Cairo's shoulder and said, "You need to take a chill pill. We're just waiting for Itachi to get Tazuna." It was then that Cairo realized what had him on edge. He turned to his sensei and asked, "What time is it, Kakashi-sensei?" Kakashi scratched his head before saying, "It's about ten minutes before eight." Cairo pulled out a glass bottle and splashed the clear liquid in Kakashi's face. "Blasphemy!" Everyone watched as Kakashi fell to the ground while clutching his eyes in pain.

Konoha T&I dept.…

Ibiki opened a box and pulled out a bottle with a cross on it. "Holy water! Where in the hell's that acid I ordered?"

Konoha gates…

Once Tazuna arrived at the gates, the team set out into the wilderness. After about an hour of walking, everyone noticed a puddle in the middle of the road. As soon as they passed over the puddle, Naruto dropped a folded sheet of paper into the water. Counting back from three, he smiled as a pair of screams broke the silence. The group turned around to see a pair of shinobi laid out on the ground with small crackles of electricity coming off of them. Naruto just smirked and said, "Whoops. My bad." Cairo then walked over to them and said, "You were after the bridge builder. Who sent you?" The one on the left growled. "We're not telling you anything." Itachi activated his sharingan and said, "That really doesn't matter. I'll get the information from you one way or another."

After basically mind-raping the nuke-nin, Itachi turned to Tazuna and said, "This mission goes well beyond what we were assigned. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't scrap this mission and go home." The bridge builder then broke down and told them the story of how Gato had taken over Nami no Kuni and how he couldn't afford a higher ranked pay for the mission. Kakashi turned to the team and said, "What's the final verdict? Do we keep going or do we go home?" The boys huddled up for a moment before Naruto finally said, "We'll continue the mission as planned, but we expect to be reimbursed for the remainder of the mission price once your country gets back on its feet." As Tazuna silently thanked the gods for this blessing, they made it to the boat that would take them to Nami."

The boat driver looked at the group and said, "I'm sorry but there are too many people to fit on the boat at one time. It can only seat a maximum of six people." Kakashi waved him off. "Tazuna-san and the boys can ride in the boat. Itachi and I can walk on water." The boat driver just nodded in compliance as he started up the engine. After about two hours of silence, the engine to the boat was cut off. The driver turned to the group and whispered, "This is as far as I can get you all with the engine running. We'll have to row to shore." Sasuke and Kiba grabbed a pair of oars and started paddling rowing the boat.

Once everyone had made it to the shore, Naruto whistled and said, "That's a pretty nice bridge." Tazuna just gave a cheesy grin. "That bridge is the hope of our country. Gato doesn't want it finished because he knows it'll ruin his hold over Nami." Cairo smirked and said, "You'll be finishing that bridge even if we all have to pitch in and help." Suddenly, the group heard something moving in a bush. Thinking quickly, Naruto launched a kunai into the bushes and listened as it embedded itself in a tree. After carefully searching through the bush, Naruto came back with a terrified white rabbit. Cairo's eyes bugged out in shock once he noticed what was wrong with the current picture.

"_**Naruto, that's a snowshoe rabbit in your arms!**_" Naruto nodded his head twice before becoming rigid. "Kakashi-sensei, what season is it right now?" The scarecrow of a sensei automatically caught on to what Naruto was implying. "It's the middle of the spring." Naruto growled and thought, "_**Cairo, we've got some serious trouble coming.**_" Itachi looked at the animal in question and said, "This is a domesticated rabbit. If it lived in the wild, its fur would be brown. This rabbit was just used for a substitution." Suddenly, the twins and Kiba picked up an incoming sound with their advanced hearing. "Everyone get down," shouted Kakashi and Itachi. Kiba and Sasuke tackled Tazuna to the ground just as a large zanbatō passed over their heads. The two Jonin and the twins had managed to time a perfect jump over the spinning blade of doom.

Missing its intended target, the blade ended up embedded in the bark of a tall tree. Without any warning, an eerie mist crept in and obscured everyone's sight. A deep voice then rang out, "It seems that there are a few talented shinobi on this mission." Everyone looked around until Akamaru's nose picked up on a foreign scent. The ninken barked twice and pointed his head at the blade. The now outstanding difference was that there was someone standing on the hilt. Cairo looked at the newcomer and said, "This isn't good. Why are you here!" The man turned around and took a look at the twins. "Well, this might actually be fun. It's been a while since your mom kicked my ass. Now I can get a little payback." Sasuke looked at Naruto and hugged his arm. "Naruto-kun, who is this guy?" Naruto smirked and said, "Standing before us is the A-Ranked nuke-nin, Zabuza Momochi of Kirigakure no Sato."

~Chapter end~

Itachi: The twins are busy doing only Kami-hime knows what, so I'm here to close out the story.

Kakashi: Didn't you lock them in a closet?

Itachi: If you keep quiet about that, I'll buy you a new Icha Icha book.

Kakashi: I'll be good.

Itachi: That's what I thought you were going to say. Anyway, the next chapter will involve the fight with Zabuza and getting Tazuna home safely. Also, we see the twins show off another… {Sfx door slam}

Cairo: Itachi, would you mind telling me _why_ you thought it was a good idea to lock us in a closet? {Impatiently tapping foot}

Itachi: Well…I just wanted to…oh, screw it. **Ninpo: Haul ass no jutsu! **{Runs like hell}

Cairo: Come back here and die like a man, you pansy! {Starts up chainsaw and chases Itachi}

Itachi: Never!

Kakashi: We'll see you next time, folks. I have to go make sure Itachi doesn't get killed. {Walks offstage}


End file.
